Heartbroken

It's been 9months since we put our dog down he was a beautiful 18yr pitbull. He was my bestfriend my everything. We knew age was getting the best of him and all of a sudden he started vomiting, Took him to my job (Vet Hosp) when my worst dreams came true..he had developed mega-esophagus and age wouldn't let him heal properly..Admited him to the hospital so they could do everything they could to prolong his life..the next day i realized that i was being selfish and i personally asked my dog to give me a sign of what he wanted me to do ..i asked him...if he was willing to fight this disease with me...or if he wanted to rest...once i asked him if he wanted to rest he gave me a kiss on my forehead..and that was the sign. Brought him home for one more night and the next day went back to work and let him rest. Now everytime i go to work this memory replays in my head over and over again...i guess what im trying to say..i miss him soooooooo much!