found my best friend and soul mate and having the worst time dealing with it

[kathiangel]

This past week on Monday I found my beautiful baby Jericho to have a bloated stomach, I immediatly rushed him to the emergency room, where they took him into surgery, what seemed for ever was an hour and a half, for the vet to come and tell me that what Jericho had was a twisted stomach, this I have never heard of and I worked for a vet over 27 years ago, but he told me to follow up with the vet in the am. Because we recently moved to Florida I took Jericho to the vet that I had worked for years ago, someone that I trusted. On Tuesday when I took Jericho in to see this vet, he informed me that Jericho did not have this twisted stomach but that he had something wrong with his pancreas and prescribed a powder that he would always have to have sprinkled on his food for the rest of his life, I thought okeasy enough. So the next couple of days are ok, everything seems fine I am sleeping with him every night to make sure all is fine. Thencomes Thursday night, I go to get Jericho at 11 pm to go to bed and I notice his stomach is a little swollen so I take him out to see if he needs to go potties, and then we go off to bed. Several times during the night I awake to take him out and notice his belly a bit more swollen and figure ok it is 6:30 am at 8 I can call the vet and take him in. Well that was to late When I woke again Jericho did not stir, which was not normal he moved immediatly every time he would hear me. He could sense when I was waking and was always their with a kiss on my cheak as to say good morning mom! well this morning he wasn't moving I banged on the wall even though something in my heart was saying to me that he was not going to move. I immediatly went to him and he was as cold and as stiff as I would have never imaginged. I called the vets office and was screaming you said that it was his pancreas and that everythign would be fine and now he  is dead, why would you tell me that, why would you not make him better, he wasn't even 3 yrs old. It took me 4 hours before I could bring myself to take him into the vets office, then while there I was asking about have him taxidermied, the girl there called several places but they said it could not be done because of his size, he was only 26 1/2 in. and 70 pounds I have seen bears done but yet they can't do my precious Jericho. I was there with him for well over an hour telling him over and over how much I love him and never will he leave my heart, but I wanted him to go look for my dad and my aunt and they will keep him until I am able to be with him. I am here a couple of days later and I wish I could be with him, I keep begging god to take me so I can be with my Jericho, my best friend, my baby and soul mate I don't want to live any more. The guilt that is going through me for believing in this vet that I once worked for, and thinking I seen it the very first night it happened to him and had him at the vets, why would I not believe this vet but believe this other one.  He went so strong not crying or whimpering or anything was it he didn't want to upset me at the time. We were sleeping in my RV while waiting to make settlement on a home that I was looking to buy for us, a place with lots of ground so Jericho could run the way he use to do. I remember at one point hearing the horn in the RV sound 3 times, I know it was Jericho sitting in the drivers seat, he loved to go riding in the car or the RV. Why did he do this was he trying to get my attention, why wouldn't he come and give me a kiss as he normally would, did he lay there in his last hour or minutes and wonder why I wasn't doing anything to help him. God I pray not had I known he needed to go immediatly I would have taken him, nothing in this world would have stopped me from getting him the help he needed. I have people around me telling me that I should be thankful that he did not suffer, that this condition took him fast, he didn't have to go back and forth to the vets office and go through surgery and surgery. How am I going to get through this guilt of feeling I failed him, his mommy failed him. I think of his eyes looking at me, those beautiful Weimaraner green/yellow eyes. the way he use to suck between my thumb and index finger, you say want ninee's and he immediatly would go to suck that area. My precious baby I want to be with you, I lay here in bed these past couple of days with your blanky with me, your scent on it. I can't stop crying I want you next to me, you were to young to leave, you had plenty more to live for. My precious Jericho why did you leave me behind I don't want to live here with out you you are my everything. I have lived these past 5 1/2 years suffering with RSD and he was always there comforting me through the pain I indure every day and when I had to be hospitalized he was always waiting for me to come home. I could always count on Jericho to brighten my days/nights.   sorry for any typos. typed through tears

[B0nzo69]

Wow - I am so sorry to hear of your loss. Please read my post "I miss you Aristotyle". I had a somewhat similar situation that has gone on for the past three months. I am trying to rationalize everything and I really want to point my finger at my Vet (I keep telling myself, you guys didn't do enough/ soon enough!!) But then another part of me tells me that I feel this way because I couldn't help him and I just want to blame the people that are supposed to "Be able fix my pet!"
 I don't know you, but Again, I am truly sorry for your loss and I know how your heart aches.
Take care.

[pashdi]

I am so sorry for your loss, there can never be enough comforting words to pass on to you. We can never know what we could or could not have done and we continue to feel guilty and break our hearts with our tears because of our loss. My Snoopy was a small border collie of eleven and half years old, he was a house dog and slept in the double bed with me, he also had a brother who passed away some time ago. They were poison but pulled through and lived a little longer. Last year with the dust storm in Australia, Snoopy started having a dreadful cough like an old smoker's cough. I took him to the vet who had a surgery full of dogs at the time and he said that it was table scraps, that we over feed our dogs. So I watched his diet. Going to the toilet was beginning to get difficult for him, he groaned something horrible each time, there were noticeable lumps and the vet said that they were fat lumps. The situation became worse but each time I took Snoopy to the vet it was the same story. On Sunday night 9th May 2010, I was constantly outside with him, although he tried he didn't do anything. That morning he didn't want any breakfast and sat crouched on the floor in a ball. I rang the vet and had an appointment that day. It was all over by 2.30pm, Snoopy went to heaven. He was my best friend. Always by my side. Its now five days and I haven't stopped crying. The house is empty and cold now. So I understand what you are going through.

[eChloe]

We are all sorry for your loss. It’s not good at all to hear what you have experienced on your pet. Nowadays, even though we knew our vets, we aren't sure yet how reliable they are on giving their diagnosis which is too bad.