My heart bleeds and I'm filled with guilt.

[goldieshevin]

My baby Goldie (7yrs old Beagle)  has past away on August 12, 2009 and I can't get past the pain. I feel so guilty. The morning before she past I had forgotten my cell phone home and returned to get it before work. I found my baby at the front door. I didn't mention Goldie no longer had use of her hind legs and was living on Steroids. She had followed us to the door after we left that morning. What was she trying to tell us. Did she suffer that day while we were at work? Could we have put her out of her misery sooner? That evening Goldie just wasn't feeling well. She wouldn't eat and drank very little.  I laid her on her bed and I laid on the floor next to her to comfort her as best I could before calling it a night. This was also painful because she slept in our room under normal circumstances.  Goldie died less then one and a half hours after I went to bed. Had I kown she was dying, I would not have left her. I can't help but replay this day over and over in my head.  Then I replay the past six months and ask did we make the right choices. I love and miss her so so much. 

[Colleen]

Your post was August so I hope you are feeling better. time helps some how. My beautiful Bella Luna (BeautifulMoon) tabby cat died the day after my birthday this October 20, He came in and ate like he did every morning, he adored being outside, then took his usual nap if front of the heater under the kitchen table like he has been doing since it has gotten cold out. Woke a little while later and went to the door to be let out. Normally he would walk up the waterfall on our patio, take a drink and go on his way but I didnt watch him once he went out. Who knew it was my last moment with him. I saw him from my daughters bedroom window while getting her dressed, she is 5, we laghed and said look how fast asleep Bella is out in the grass. I didnt nkow he had died. I walked over to him after putting her on the bus. I dont normally do that because he likes to sleep out in the yard but something made me that day. He had died. I am so thankful he was near our home and had not gone off into the woods, we would always wonder where he was and that would be soo much worse, we burried him together in a special box we had made as a kitty bed for him, never thought of it as what we would end up using to bury him but I am glad to think of him in the bed we made out of love for him. It sounds like you loved your dog soo much, I wish they could tell us and it is so hard to think we have busy lives and dont always spend the last moments with our pets if we knew. I will take comfort as you should that they were loved dearlyand we were loved back and they know how much we love and miss them. I am still sooo sad and lost, he was a present to my oldest daughter when she was in Kindergarten, she is now 20, He is part of all our memories it seems and I want to bury my face in his fur and kiss him so bad my heart aches. I nkow your pain and somehow, it will get easier each day. I have lost other dear pets and I know time heals some days a memory jolt me back to sadness but I am sp thankful for every moment I had with my Bella